How to cope with a Telephone Interview when you have Social Anxiety.

When you are applying for a job some companies find it helpful to arrange a telephone interview before deciding whether or not to meet you in person for the actual formal interview. This makes sense on paper but if like me you have social anxiety and what is known as ‘phone-phobia’ well its not that straight forward. 

In light of this I thought that I would put together a few coping strategies to help me prepare for the dreaded  ‘telephone interview’ *shudders* and if its of any help to anyone else well then that’s a bonus right?

1. Practice 
   

As predicable and annoying as it sounds practice is actually your first port of call. I often panic when an unknown number flashes up on my phone and refuse to answer it so try and get a friend or member of your family to ring you on a private number. 

• You can change this by going to the settings menu, then phone and turn off caller ID. 

2. Write down what you want to say

I often get tongue tied when faced with a telephone call so like to have a ‘script’ written out prompting me about what to say. As with any interview however you cant be 100% certain what questions they will ask so I generally spend the day before thinking about how I would answer some of the more popular interview questions and write down what my answer would be. Therefore I have something to look at and prompt  me when (not if)  I get stuck.

3. Be prepared 

Regardless of what form your job interview takes you should always try to be as prepared as you possibly can. Do your research and find out exactly who the company, that you are applying for, are and what what it is they do. You might want to look in to past projects that the company has worked on so if everything else fails at least you have something to talk about.

4. Stay Calm 

This is probably one of the more difficult ones to be honest. Staying calm - and not flying off the handle - is not exactly my strong point. Take deep breaths before answering the call. Remember they can’t actually see you so find a comfortable position and let yourself relax. 

5. Have a copy of your CV to hand 

This is actually very similar to my second point as your CV will act as a ‘memory jog’ tool and help you remember what the hell you've actually  been doing with your life. The interviewer will most likely have a copy of your CV to hand so equal the playing field and have one too. I find it very easy to forget what I want to say during a telephone call so having my CV handy helps.

6. Suit up and look smart

Ok so I know that they can’t see you but wearing formal attire rather than slobbing around in your pyjamas will make you feel more professional and as a result sound more professional too. Smiling can apparently be heard- who knew? so show us your pearly whites. 

7. Focus 

Try to stay focussed on the conversation and be in the zone. As they say in High School Musical - Get your head in the game.

I would recommend going to another room by yourself where it is quiet and there are no distractions. Listen to what the other person is saying and try not to interrupt. 

8. Be confident  

Lol x 56943282

So this is another area where I would say I’m not so great. 

I like to wear a lucky charm or have positive messages around me to give me a confidence boost. Try and have the right attitude towards the job interview and think that you can do this rather than thinking about all the things that could go wrong - yeah totally guilty of that.

9. Don’t overthink. 

The advantage of a telephone interview for people with social anxiety is that because we’re not in the same room as the person we can’t read too much into their body language and over analyse every nuance. However that doesn’t stop me and I’m sure it doesn’t stop you either . Try not to think too much about every pause in conversation or read between the lines. Stay present and in the room.

You got this and I’m sure you’ll be just fine.

Dear Anxiety

When struggling with anxiety and especially social anxiety being around other people; especially lots of people can be intimidating and often quite terrifying to be honest.

Social occasions are for me are often something that should be avoided at all costs but you would be wrong to think that I was avoiding you because I want to.

Those with social anxiety (or maybe it's just me) shut people out as a defence mechanism but that can lead to a very lonely existence and losing touch with the people with whom you were once closest too.

When you feel inadequate and like a bit of waste of space then even when you are in a room with dozens of people you can feel quite alone. If somebody talks to you it makes you wonder why they are wasting their time on someone like you and you desperately want  to be invisible. 

I have anxiety but I am not letting that defeat me…even though it's putting up quite a good fight.  I've already found some strategies for coping and even some natural remedies but what else?

Being the centre of attention makes me feel uncomfortable  as do large crowds but you know what I've found that I can deal with? Being in a crowded room where nobody pays you any attention.

I've been going to a lot of gigs over the past few years and whilst I have been alone for the great majority of these (what can I say, I am alone) I have found that I can tolerate being in the room, where ever it may be with just the music and shut everyone else out.

It's not been exactly plain sailing as I've had to leave early on quite a few occasions as I couldn't cope anymore and there was that one time…..ok maybe twice…when I had a little bit of an anxiety attack but I'm still trying.

So dear anxiety, you ain't the boss of me. 

What to do when you have an anxiety attack

Anxiety attacks (not to be confused with panic attacks) have become a common occurrence for me recently, well more than usual, so here's a few tips on how I deal (or not as the case may be) with them.

What exactly is the difference between an anxiety and a panic attack? The two terms are often used to mean the same thing but although they can seem to be very similar they are actually key differences:

An anxiety attack occurs as a result of a stressor. 
Stressor: An event or stimulus that cause us to experience psychological stress.

For example  I normally experience these when my stress levels are particularly high due to work or otherwise, (yes I did have a meltdown about my knitting earlier today but lets just skip that one) being in a situation that causes you to panic (most social occasions really) and even anything that takes me out of my comfort zone.....hence why I am such a creature of habit. 

A panic attack on the other hand is often not set of by a particular stressor and can in fact be quite random in so far as they are unpredictable and unprovoked. As well as feelings of panic and apprehension these may also be accompanied by physical symptoms such as chest pain and shortness of breath, nausea and even dizziness. 
Read more about the pschologicallyness here


So now that we've cleared that up, what does it feel like to have a anxiety attack? Well in short its hell. Besides the crippling fear you can feel your heart beating at a rate that is off the charts and are very short of breath. Oh and tears: in my case there's normally a lot of tears involved.
However anxiety attacks are as unpredictable as they are annoying and can take many different forms:

As an anxiety attack is normally brought on by a stressor you can normally stop them be taking removing yourself from the situation. Simply walk away from the problem. I often find that my attacks are accompanied by a hot flush so find that going outside for some fresh air is very helpful. 

Talk to somebody you trust. Whether this is your best friend or a 'responsible' adult the old cliché 'a problem shared is a problem halved' applies perfectly. It doesn't necessarily have to be someone you know as I often found that talking to a stranger helps to. (apologies to the shopkeeper who I ranted to for like an hour)

Breathe deeply. As you may become short of breath during one of these episodes it is crucially important that sufficient oxygen is reaching your lungs. Try calming yourself down by taking 10 deep breaths.

Music is a great healer: OK seriously how many clichés can one blog post hold? Anyhow I find that having a playlist to listen to whenever I am feeling particularly anxious is really helpful and offers a calm atmosphere reminding me that everything is going to be ok. You can listen to my playlist on spotify by clicking here.

Natural remedies for anxiety

As I have mentioned in a previous post I have anxiety and specifically social anxiety disorder.
When you are having an anxiety attack your heart beats faster, breathing is shallow and you enter a state of panic unable to relax. However there are a number of natural remedies that you can take that will help with calming you down:

• Tea

It is a well established British tradition that in times of worry or panic somebody will offer to make a cup of tea yet as caffeine is seen as being a stimulant for anxiety you should stay away from black tea and rather choose a green tea or herbal variety.



Passion flower, lemon balm and chamomile teas are all considered to be good for anxiety because of their calming, sedative properties. However these sedative herbs should not be taken for more than a period of a month and you are advised not to ingest any of these herbs if you are taking any sedative medication. 

I haven't been able to find any passion flower tea yet despite my hunt of health food shops

• Eat Breakfast

 I'm sure that you all know by now that breakfast in the most important meal of the day as it kick starts your metabolism. Yet Dr Ramsey of health.com is of the opinion that many people who suffer from anxiety skip breakfast! Try eating eggs for breakfast which contain large amounts of choline (important in the synthesis and transport of lipids in the body) studies suggest that people whose diet is low in choline have increased anxiety. Peanut butter is also apparently a good source of choline so there! Having peanut butter on toast for breakfast is good for me!

• Lavender

The calming aroma of lavender does a lot more than making your sock drawer smell nice! Studies have proved that lavender oil and scent is very calming so having a spare Lavender candle handy and lighting it when you are feeling anxious can work wonders.



Other herb remedies include liquorice root, valerian and the odd and rather sinister sounding Skullcap and Mother wort.

Social Anxiety

Ok so here's the deal: Social situations terrify me, I'm scared of asking people for help- especially strangers and I avoid going to parties like the plague.

At first I thought that I was just being my weird little self but then it hit me. Social Anxiety Disorder.

It's quite common for people to get nervous about things. Some people find the idea of public speaking worrying or are scared to talk to somebody in an authoritative position. You can often put these fears down to shyness or a lack of confidence. Yet to others fears of social interactions may be more acute and they are known to be suffering from  Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) or Social Phobia.



So what exactly is SAD?

The Social Anxiety Research Clinic defines SAD as:

Social anxiety can be a normal part of life. It involves feeling tense, nervous or uncomfortable in situations with others, due to fear of what they may think of you. When social anxiety is very distressing or interferes with activities, however, it may be considered "Social Anxiety Disorder." People with Social Anxiety Disorder may find it difficult to make new friends, to participate in group activities, or to date, and they may find career opportunities limited by their anxiety.

Sufferers may experience fears and/or dread when faced with social situations. Even the most mundane things such as answering the phone, working, shopping or even just leaving the house can be distressing. Furthermore sufferers of Social Anxiety have the tendency to over think and analyse especially when it comes to relationships. They (or should I say we) are very sensitive to criticism (this works wonders when you are job hunting and may send you into a spiral of despair.)  and have an acute fear of rejection.

Whilst many of these tendencies may be very common in adolescence for sufferers of SAD these continue into later life and as we continue to avoid stressful situations may isolate ourselves thus leading to feelings of loneliness and depression.

SAD is a mental illness yet it is not all 'just in your head' as physical symptoms may include rapid breathing, trembling, sweating and even in extreme cases panic attacks.

These images perfectly reflect how social anxiety can impact 'normal' interactions.

                                       

If you or anyone you know suffers from Social anxiety please visit these websites. Here and here

The right job will come along eventually you just have to keep applying.

People keep telling me that this is the case but what if it doesn’t? What if all the jobs I am applying for (mostly library/museums) are just not right for me and people take one look at my application form (because most people don’t even accept CVs) and think what was she even thinking? She is totally unsuitable for the job. What if the career path that I am wanting to pursue is totally wrong for me?

I am constantly being told to look into book keeping and that I would be really good at it and we all know that you should play to your strengths but are we not also told that we should go for the kind of jobs that we enjoy doing so that we look forward to going to work in the morning? 

As I keep on trying to get through my quarter life crisis (or maybe it’s just a normal nervous breakdown) I am reminded that I’m not alone in this as everybody is insecure and scared even if they are better at hiding it than others. Life is scary as hell, I mean one minute you think you know what you want and the next minute you are graduating and are standing on the precipice of life with no harness or safety rope to help you and the guides that you were trying to follow have long since disappeared. 

It is now quite a long time since I graduated and I still haven’t got very far off that cliff as I am literally and metaphorically speaking scared of heights and just as Augustus Waters said in The Fault In Our Stars “I fear oblivion….I fear it like the proverbial blind man who’s afraid of the dark.” But oblivion is inevitable just as is failure and it’s the mark of a brave person who can pick themselves back up after the have failed. The question is are you brave enough to try in the first place? 

So I’ll carry on applying for jobs even if it comes to nought because all you can really do is try even if you have no idea what you are doing. 

Anxiety Girl strikes back

I am siting on the sofa at my sister's house bunny sitting and I am currently freaking out. Why? I don't know, maybe I'm just an anxious person. I don't know if I'd go as far as saying that I have anxiety disorder but I do think that I have been anxious for quite some time. So here I would like to share some of the ways I try to deal with my anxiety:

Play with cute, fluffy bunnies - Lily and Edgar do not like to be picked up and cuddled but they do love to be stroked…for hours on end and they will even let you cry into their fur sometimes.

Cry - well err duh! No but seriously it actually works. You've heard the saying that 'everyone needs a good cry now and then' well it does actually work as I often feel like I am letting out pent upfeelings and  emotions.

 Bake- I admit it I'm a stress baker, I mean you should have seen the amount of shortbread in our house after Cleo went missing. On a side note though it did taste delicious

Dance like nobody is watching -turn on MTV or Spotify on full blast and shake what your momma gave ya - although if anyone asks I will deny that is ever happened

Write- it doesn't really matter what; a blog post, poem, shopping list, anything really. Getting your thoughts down on paper (or on a screen) let's you express yourself or channels your thoughts into something creative that might even be quite good

Watch your favourite  show - but preferably keep it in the comedy genre, now hit me with some Glee. - note this also applies with films or reading books, nobody can deal with something  like The Fault In Our Stars right now

Watch YouTube videos - like this helpful one from Zoella

Go to a place where you have never been before where no one knows your name - get a cup of coffee and relax knowing that you are totally dis attached to everything and everyone…..until you can't find your way home and oh bother I'm lost

On the other hand here are some things that really do not help in times like this:

Getting lost - jetting off by yourself and hiding away to be a social recluse is all well and good until you get lost and have no idea where you are and can't get back and OMG PANIC!

Other people - Even talking to friends can seem overwhelming when I'm in a state of panic. I can start to feel claustrophobic if surrounded by others or even worse I'll start to compare my life to theirs and then feel worse about myself…and yeah it all goes down hill from there.

Phone calls-  in the same vain talking to people on the phone really stresses me out. I mean I don't know what to say? Like what exactly are the social niceties or whatever when you are on the phone? When am I supposed to hang up? Are you done talking? Can I say something now? Like what thehell is this? Basically just don't call me I can't handle it

Watching/ reading/listening to sad films/programmes/books/music - I just have too many feelings

Having a nice hot bath - see this previous post

Bunnies- they run away, they stamp their feet, they do cheeky things like chew stuff.

Baking - when things go wrong and your left with a massive mess in the kitchen and can't work out what was wrong and then get shouted out for things not working and……….yup I'm a failure

Dancing - I will fall over and get hurt, then bruises will follow, then I will be limping then I will cry, or maybe the crying comes before this part.

Crying - everyone wants to know why you are crying! Like why can't they just leave you alone to cry in peace. But no people are always asking what's wrong even if they have like never spoken to you before suddenly it is now their business that I am crying.

Watching YouTube videos - why can't I be like them? (This also implies to all other celebrities EVER also literally every other person you know)

Write - getting annoyed when whatever you set out to write doesn't turn out to be exactly like how you wanted it to turn out. This is especially true is the case of shopping lists, I had such high hopes for my shopping list but it's just a list and it doesn't even sound very good, I mean why are bananas and milk next to each other. I mean who even does that!?!

Woah we're going to Croatia

No seriously- Woah!

I might as well change my name to 'Anxiety Girl- Able to jump to the worst conclusion in a single bound' (although I can't take any credit for writing this description myself, I found it on the Internet.)

Faced with the prospect of my imminent departure for Dubrovnik ,  I shall go for my jollies, on my own, for a week, I have spent the last week or so in a somewhat limbo.

At times I have felt very excited, ecstatic even at the prospect of going on holiday by myself, being able to do what I want when I want, being able to go wherever I like whenever the fancy may take me.

Yet at the same time there have been periods when i have simply burst into tears thinking 'OMG OMG what have I done' as I am crippled with fear and doubt. Worrying not only about whether or not I will get lost (I will, so much is obvious) but also whether or not I will psychically melt in the heat, (the maximum tempetures next week are set to hit 32 C and I do not cope well in the heat, the recent heat wave in England has been bad enough) how I will cope in a strange place where I do not know where anything is (see above) and also do not speak/understand the lingo, whether or not I have packed enough clothes and/or  if I have forgotten something and/or everything but I will most probably arrive at my destination tomorrow (OMG I'm going tomorrow PANIC!!!) and realise that I have forgotten something obvious like my toothbrush or  shoes or my passport….although I think that I have all those three things…. and finally if  I will stop worrying long enough to be able have a good time.

With all these conflicting emotions I am feeling suitably exhausted and ready for a holiday. Only time will tell how this tale will unfold. 

T.B.C.