The not so relaxing pamper evening

You know the feeling when you have watched a YouTube video and suddenly feel inspired to do something. No? Well today I watched a video by the wonderful  Zoella on how to have the perfect pamper evening and thought to myself that I was going to do that.

I have always enjoyed indulging in all things beautifying  and love a good pamper party.  Something that those of you who have seen my toiletries cupboard will probably know so to turn  down a good pampering down would be just barbaric. 

I started the evening off by drawing a bath and throwing in a bath bomb that somebody gave to me about five years ago and I never got round to using however I couldn't just stop there no sir for next comes the bath caviar and the confetti.....and bubble bath.

I don't know if it just me but I often get bored lying in the bath with nothing but my thoughts  to occupy me, I guess that's why I have never been one who can have a nice long hot soak but today I decided that this was all going to change. People often find that reading in the bath is a nice relaxing pastime but every time I try to do that the book gets wet and it's all very stressful. Nevertheless I  grabbed the first book off the side and got into my bubbly tub yet the book in question was the second book of Storm of Swords in the A Song of Ice and Fire series (Game of Thrones book three, part two)  and let's just say that relaxing it was not. By the third fight I was just like 'why can't they all just love each other' but no sooner had I thought this then that is what they did and oh dear god I need to get out of here.

By now the majority of the bubbles in the bath had disintegrated and I felt that it was safe to switch on the jacuzzi. Alas I was wrong and the bubbles kept on growing. I was literally swimming in bubbles well not so much swimming I don't have a swimming pool sized bath like they do in the prefect's bathroom at Hogwarts.

Having now suitably scrubbed myself clean I turned my attention to my face. Yet a problem arose when I realised that I didn't have a face mask handy and even worse there weren't even any avocados in the house so I that I could make my own. But fear not my friends for I have a plan up my sleeves and it appears that you can make a face mask out of any number of kitchen ingredients.

For a egg yolk, honey and olive oil  face mask you will need:

1 egg yolk
1 tbsp honey
1 tbsp olive oil

Mix it all up and what have you got Bibbity Babbity Boo. Well it's not quite as exciting as anything the fairy godmother could cook up but 15 fifteen minutes after putting on the mask and washing it off in hot soapy water and hey presto - soft, shiny, fresh faced skin!

Bend and Snap

People have often told me and then in turn I have assured myself that I would be awesome on the Great British Bake Off or least I would be a cause for amusement on a Tuesday evening as I would be the one having a mental breakdown in front of the oven or watching on as my biscuit tower crumbled into a heap.

Therefore very much like last year, I decided to try out some of the technical challenges. If you have been following this blog you may know that I tried my hand at making teacakes last year and apart from tasting a bit like toothpaste and not looking all together that wonderful they weren’t actually too bad so I was hoping…..and this was a big ask I know that this time would go slightly better even if I was attempting…wait for it…the tuille.

The Tuille for those of you who don’t know gets its name from the French word for tile and is an incredibly thin biscuit often rolled into curved rounds or cigarette like rolls and the ends are dipped in chocolate, it was the latter that I was attempting today and let’s just say that things didn’t quite go as planned.

The recipe for tuilles is the simplest bit about them as they only require three ingredients:

2 egg whites

85g sugar

100g flour 

Indeed the recipe is very straight forward. Firstly you are instructed to preheat the oven to 180°c –smashing I can do that.

 Next combine all the ingredients in a bowl and mix into a batter. The mixture should be thicker than a batter for a pancake but not too thick so that is still liquid and can be easily spread. Trust me you will want to spread it. 

Finally bake in the oven for about five minutes or until golden brown. Remove and roll into shape.

It sounds like these biscuits should be a stroll in the park….remind yourself of that thought when you’re pulling your hair out an hour later because THEY KEEP BREAKING!

This one gave up

aww look a heart

The thickness of your tuille will often determinate whether or not it will succeed in life if it is too thin it will be too brittle and snap but if it is too thick it will be chewy and gross.  

Too thick and it's all squishy

The thickness of the biscuit is not the only deciding factor in whether or not your tuille will live as the cooking time matters a lot too. The overcooked tuille is too brittle to work with where was if the tuille is undercooked (often you can tell this if it hasn’t gone ever so slightly golden) it won’t be crisp enough to be get a satisfying snap. As my good friend Elle Woods taught me in Legally Blonde it’s all about the bend and snap.

Having had (hopefully) determined what is a good tuille bake we now focus our attention to the actual cooking process. At first I tried putting a few blobs of batter onto the mixture before spreading it out and then popping it in the oven yet I quickly realised that this wasn’t going to work as the biscuits had nearly all hardened before I could even get one off the tray. A method that I found worked best was to make one tuille at a time spreading the batter very thinly on the board. I used a chopstick to roll the tuilles into cigarette rolls yet this brought with it its own perils as the biscuits snapped more than the crocodile in Peter Pan.

This 'roll' was clearly not 'rollin' with the homies'

I think that it safe to say that Tuilles are not in my top 10 list of things bake list especially when they crack and shatter to pieces and not even melted chocolate can bring them back to life.

The Perks of Being a Single Lady

•  Garlic breath: nobody cares how many slices of bruschetta or garlic bread you have eaten, you can even slug as much aioli or garlic butter as you want because nobody is going anywhere near those lips of yours. Garlic breath is also a great deterrent against vampires so stay well clear Edward Cullen this mouth ain't minty fresh.

• Only having to shave your legs five times a year. Save yourself the hassle ladies who needs a man when you can go around like a cave woman for most of the year. 

• Furthermore you can wear whatever you feel like wearing . I don't care if you don't like the way  I look, if you don't want to see then please just look away. However in the name of modesty, please do cover up your muffin top nobody wants to see what you have had for lunch for the past ten years.

• Saving a shed load of money on anniversary/Christmas/birthday/valentines presents. Instead you can spend the money on yourself, like those leather boots I just bought myself.

• Not being attached to your phone at all hours of the day because god forbid if you were not in contact with your significant other at all hours of the day. Also think of all the minutes and texts that aren't digging into your monthly allowance.  

• Going on holiday by yourself and other such adventures where you can actually do what you want and not have to think about the other person because apparently not everyone wants to go around museums all week. Who knew? 

• Table for one please? Not a perk you say but there you would be wrong, where else would be better for a spot of people watching.  

I feel like I have only brushed the tip of the iceberg of some of the perks of being a single lady  because there's undeniably a whole lot more perks. Please share if you feel that I have left anything  out