Dear Sir/madam
I don’t think I’d be very good at the job you are
advertising and here are just some reasons why:
- I spend far too much time on the computer. The world of work does not require anyone who knows how to write a decent summary and don’t even get me started on databases. I mean when did you ever actually have to use excel after school? I don’t think knowing how to freeze panes on a spreadsheet has ever been useful to me during my working career so thanks for that ECDL.
- I’m too friendly for my own good. If you need someone in customer services to be rude and ignorant then I definitely am not who are looking for. Please and thank you? Who needs them, this is a dog eat dog world so there is no need for niceties.
- If you would like to hire someone who sits around and dosses all day I’m afraid that am totally unsuitable for this role as I actually tend to ‘get the job done’ as they say.
- I will sort through and fix things as I am very methodological but who needs things to organised in this day of age. The very idea seems ludicrous.
- If you want someone who always misses deadlines and is absolutely pants at time management then sorry I’m not that girl. If I can get things done a few weeks in advance I will do so.
- I know that lying and cheating is the name of the game but I am honest and truthful down to a tee.
- Another great reason why I am totally unsuitable for this job is that I am too enthusiastic. So if it is dull people who make watching paint dry seem more interesting who you require I’ll just jog along shall I?
Thank you for not considering me for this position even
though it took me absolutely hours to fill out my application form and I will
not even hear back from you in the slightest.
Well wasn’t that fun? So much fun in fact that we shall just
have to go and repeat the process about 56 hundred, million, trillion times.
YAY!!!
*NB* please note the sarcasm do not actually write your cover letter like this
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