The Perks of Being a Single Lady

•  Garlic breath: nobody cares how many slices of bruschetta or garlic bread you have eaten, you can even glug as much aioli or garlic butter as you want because nobody is going anywhere near those lips of yours. Garlic breath is also a great deterrent against vampires, so stay well clear, Edward Cullen, this mouth ain't minty fresh.

• Only having to shave your legs five times a year. Save yourself the hassle, ladies who needs a man when you can go around like a cavewoman for most of the year. 

• Furthermore, you can wear whatever you feel like wearing. I don't care if you don't like the way  I look, if you don't want to see, then please just look away. 

• Saving a shed load of money on anniversary/Christmas/birthday/Valentine's presents. Instea,d you can spend the money on yourself, like those leather boots I just bought....

• Not being attached to your phone at all hours of the day because god forbid if you were not in contact with your significant other at all hours of the day. Also, think of all the minutes and texts that aren't digging into your monthly allowance.  

• Going on holiday by yourself and other such adventures, where you can actually do what you want and not have to think about the other person, because apparently not everyone wants to go around museums all week. Who knew? 

• Table for one, please? Not a perk you say, but there you would be wrong, where else would be better for a spot of people watching?  

I feel like I have only brushed the tip of the iceberg of some of the perks of being a single lady because there's undeniably a whole lot more perks. Please share if you feel that I have left anything  out

Day fi-a-a-a staying alive staying alive

Not really sure why I did that. The fifth day of my jollies brought its own perils in the form of cramps, so I was forced to lay off my gung-ho attitude towards sightseeing and lay low for a while.

This would have worked as the Croatian café culture (my favourite kind) meant that they would happily while away the hours over a cup of coffee. Yet I am forgetting that I was in the most touristy populated part of Dubrovnik, if not the whole country and  the notion of 'bums on seats' is obviously more important than that of a 'happy camper.' Therefore after a few hours of sitting in the harbour café/restaurant that I shall not name I was rudely told that I was being moved because a large group were coming and they needed the table where I was sat. Obviously using the other twenty or so empty tables in the establishment was against the question. Feeling affronted I left.

My faith in humanity was restored however when I was let into the Franciscan monastery cloisters and pharmacy museum 'fo free' - so much for the no sight-seeing plan.

The evening repast was taken in the shadow of the cathedral where I was seated next to a Russian woman.  As if proving  my previous point that there is a perception that all twenty somethings' do with their time is party (see 'things start to get awkward' )  the girl was having a discussion with the waiter about the very same subject, when asked if she went out 'partying' although I think the cool kids term the phrase 'clubbing' or 'going out' the girl replied and I quote " I don't have time. I'm 24, I want to get married and have kids."

Excuse me whilst I choke on my piece of bread and olive oil.  Clearly the waiter was as shocked as I was by this statement as he lamely replied that he was 27 and had done neither of these things.  If anyone else is confused by what I over heard I would not blame you, it's like saying 'sorry I don't have time to do this mundane thing that is apparently fun because I have to go and settle down and start a family.'  Sorry what? I know your body clock is ticking and all that but you are only 24 love, what's the rush?

By  these standards it would seem that I only have a year and half left, quick find the nearest eligible bachelor we're going to get eloped

All the single ladies

I have a daily dilemma with the world of singledom. Sometimes it’s great and I’m like:

When people complain about what their significant other may or (more often than not) may not have done I can just sit back and smugly grin to myself and say that I do not have that problem. 

I don’t have to worry about anyone else; to be single is to be free and you have no one to hold you back, no one to stop you from going and doing whatever you want to do. But at the same time there is no one to share your experiences with, no one to be there for you, no one to call in the middle of the night when you get lonely (ok maybe not that one because that would just be annoying and they’d probably kill you for disturbing their sleep)

Being single is a confirmation that you will not settle for the first fish in the sea, you will wait until someone comes along that is worthy of your love. It sure does get lonely sometimes.

But at the same time being single feels like staring down a gaping rock face with no safety net, nothing to catch you if you fall.  To put it plainly:

I went to a wedding and an engagement party this weekend  and with all the happy couples surrounding me, well it was honestly exhausting. Pretending to be happy for your friends when they are glowing with happiness at having found the right one for them when you are silently dying inside out of loneliness. Excuse me whilst I go sob in the bathroom.

You may argue that I am merely just not trying hard enough but lets just say that any attempts at anything even slightly flirtatious are more awkward than a socially awkward penguin. I even tried online dating briefly (ok maybe not so briefly) and it did not go well... so sorry if I'm not bouncing up and down telling you to get online 

I hate Valentine’s Day

I know this a bit premature but I thought that I should get my rant out early this year. 'What is she on about this time?' I hear you ask, well if you look towards the title that may give you a clue.

 I can accurately estimate the number of cards that I will receive this year and that is zero, the same as most every year. 

Except from the rare occasion when a friend or my mother gave me one out of sympathy (a Valentine's card that is not a deepest sympathy one, although the latter may have been more relevant.) 

Now before all you loved up couples start shouting abuse at me that the whole point of Valentine’s Day is love and showing your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/partner/fiancée/mistress/gay lover/friend with benefits or significant other that you appreciate them let me just say that I’ll be the first to admit that I am a soppy romantic at heart but I resent the fact that there is one day when you are expected to shower your significant other (if you have one) with gifts and affection. 

If you really are in a loving relationship you already do this every day and one day in which society insists that you should be sappy and romantic is not just patronising but also terribly communist (as in people telling what you should do.)

V-day has been horribly commercialised and you are often frowned upon if you spend less than half your yearly salary on that one day. If you have ever tried going for dinner on’ that day that will not be named’ it is astronomically expensive sometimes even more so than Christmas! 

Valentine's day should really just be renamed singles' awareness day because I'm sure that that is the only thing that V-day achieves, making singletons everywhere feel inferior and boosting the sales of tubs of ice cream. Ben and Jerry’s is my tub of choice (I like most flavours) if anyone wants to get me one.  Couples often take it upon themselves to stare at you like you have two heads as you walk around on your todd, like it’s a sin to be alone. Well look at how much money I saved myself in not having to buy meaningless presents.

The observant among may remember (or you may not I did say it at the beginning of this post and that was quite some time ago) that I was quite forlorn that I don’t get any cards, if I hate Valentine’s day so much why should I care? 

My dear friends and strangers alike, I would like refer to a popular film reference. In ‘Mean Girls’ an iconic character whom we never actually see (well if you don’t count the back of his head)  or even has any lines is made into a legend when they receive 4 candy canes “You Go Glen Coco” and then there are “none for Gretchen Wieners”   

Well guess who feels like Gretchen Wieners when the Glen Coco’s of the world receive post and flowers and chocolates and candlelit dinners on that silly day. You may just think that I am bitter and that I would feel differently when I am in a loving relationship (although the question should probably be ‘if’ not ‘when’) but then shouldn’t Valentine’s day be everyday not just once a year?