Having now had some experience in job interviews I thought
that it would be a good idea to share some of my advice.
Firstly when you find yourself lucky enough to have landed a
job interview make sure that you don’t research the company, don’t be tempted
to go onto the businesses website, it pays to be ignorant. If the interviewers happen
to ask about what you know about them just smile and nod, umming and ahhing is
also a good choice.
Another solid piece of advice for interviewees is to always
turn up really early; it keeps whoever is interviewing you on their toes and
more often than not results in a nice cup of tea while you wait. Although
sometimes this will result in awkward scenarios in the staff kitchen but isn’t
that what life is all about? One awkward scenario after another.
During the interview it always helps to be one of the
following; either desperate for the toilet or really really hungry. Both is also
advised as it makes for quite the interesting interview. Although if you do
need the toilet so badly that you are on the verge of wetting yourself, maybe
you should have gone before you left the house.
It helps your case if you can exaggerate things ever so
slightly, now I don’t mean lying through your teeth รก la Rebecca Bloomwood in
Confessions of a Shopaholic who claimed to be fluent in Finish, but you could
suggest that you know how to fully use say a computer programme even if you
have only ever used said programme once in your entire life. However this may come back to
bite you if they give you a task to do, a task that involves using Excel.
Having put on my CV that I had had a lot of experience in this programme ‘they’
may have thought that this was not a big ask however what I failed to mention
is that I had not used in Excel since
year 8 which was, it suffices to say, quite a while ago.
If for any reason you have a bad interview I have found
solace in talking to the local shopkeeper, for about an hour to be exact. If the
person behind the counter is unable to recount your life story after your
meeting, then you aren’t doing it right.
*I would strongly advise you NOT to take any of what you
have just read as serious advice
*Everything here is based on real events
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